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28 HEADSPACE & TIMING Bereavement is an unfortunate reality that all members of the Defence Forces and their families will face at some point in their lives. Dealing with bereavement, grief and loss is an inevitable and normal part of life and work. It is a painful reality which all of us have to face at some point in our lives. In the case of a tragic or sudden death, in most instances, such deaths will be unexpected and/or shocking to those affected by the tragedy. Additionally, the suddenness and/or manner in which a death occurs, can attract attention from a number of sources. This can intensify the feeling of loss that families, friends and colleagues will undoubtedly experience. Becoming aware of the effects of bereavement can help us come to terms with the notion of death and increase our own understanding of the emotional consequences of loss in others. Types of Loss Bereavement can take many forms such as natural death, accidental or sudden death, suicide, the death of a child or baby or a miscarriage. Additionally, there are other forms of grieving outside bereavement such as the breakup of a relationship, a loved one suffering from a terminal illness or a catastrophic or serious injury. Each loss is unique to the individual and may bring its own type of grief, which may have the following effects: • Physical effects: tiredness, sleep disturbances, crying, HEADSPACE & TIMING lack of enthusiasm and appetite disturbances • Emotional effects: sadness, anger, relief, guilt or loneliness • Psychological effects: low mood, withdrawal, difficulty in concentrating, disbelief, confusion, preoccupation with the person who has died, dreaming of the deceased person • Spiritual Effects: trying to make sense of what has happened, questioning existing belief systems, searching for meaning and questioning it. The Grieving Process The death of someone close to us can be emotionally devastating. It is natural to go through a range of physical and emotional processes as we gradually come to terms with the loss. Grief is a natural adjustment process after loss. Nevertheless, it can impact on our everyday lives and can take a long time to accept and adapt to life after a loss. Each person's grief is unique and individual to that person. Some people are very private and do not want everyone to know their business, while others prefer to talk openly about what has happened to them. Either is appropriate – it is a case of whatever works at a given point in time. In general, individuals tend to navigate the following main issues in the grieving process: • Experiencing the pain • Accepting the loss and the new reality that exists • Adjusting to an environment without the person who has died • Finding a new emotional place in their own life for the person who has died. This is sometimes referred to as "continuing bonds with the deceased." There is no set formula for coping with grief. As well as dealing with the emotional issues arising, a number of practical matters have to be addressed, sooner perhaps than the bereaved person is in a position to do. There is no time limit with grief, or set pattern on the grief Experiencing and dealing with bereavement, grief and loss By Comdt Des Connolly

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