An Cosantóir

32 Overseas service is one of the many positive aspects of being a member of the Defence Forces. It is an opportunity to put into practice all the things we have trained for since we joined the DF and test ourselves and our abilities in a real operational theatre. It provides us with an opportunity to work with other nationalities and compare, and learn from their procedures and practices in an operational environment (and maybe make a few new friends along the way!). It takes us away from the day-to-day humdrum of normal life and pressures in the working environment at home and provides us with a new perspective. Of course, there is an additional financial reward for service in a more challenging, sometimes dangerous, environment. In a lot of ways, service overseas provides us with a simpler, more predictable environment for the period spent abroad. We can understand how overseas service can be an attractive prospect for many. The downside of this, naturally, is that it means separation from friends and family and, for some, from children at home. We have had to manage that separation in the initial pre-deployment and deployment phases. This separation phase can be a difficult and emotional time. It takes time to prepare loved ones for our absence and that also applies to their absence from our lives, for the length of time spent apart. When overseas service comes to an end, after a six- or twelve-month tour, we are presented with a whole new challenge. The return home is part of the "Deployment Cycle". (see figure 1) Figure 1. Deployment Cycle In a lot of ways, the process of returning home from an overseas deployment is the inverse of the Deployment/Separation phase. You have already gone through the process of removing yourself from the family/friends' circle for the period that you will be away. If there is a partner/spouse and children, you have been through the (sometimes painful and emotional) physical separation process prior to deploying. You, and those left at home, have settled into a new routine without the interactions/help of those loved ones. In many ways, despite the ease of communications with readily available wifi etc., you must return to being part of the home/family circle. This is referred to as the Adjustment phase. As you now move into the Expectation and Anticipation phase followed by the Transition (actual return home), there are many issues that may arise. It is important here to take some time to: • Acknowledge, privately, your own individual achievements during your time overseas • Reflect and assess what you have achieved: – Time to think – Self-improvement and reaching career goals – Financial reward • Plan the next stage of your career The Return (Transition) Your return home will have an impact on you and your loved ones, particularly if you have children. It is important to discuss this with your loved ones and share the feelings that you might be experiencing, which might include happiness, pride (in what you have achieved), excitement, relief, but also uncertainty, anxiousness, worry. Indeed, your feelings and thoughts might include a mixture of all of the above and more – we are complex creatures! It is natural to feel anxious as well as excited. Thoughts might be in your head, about your return to your family and friends at home, such as: • How much have they changed? • Will they still recognise me? (Particularly in the case of small children) • Will they still need me? • Did they cope better without me? Equally, your loved ones at home might be having similar thoughts about your return, such as: • How much has he/she changed? • Will he/she like the way I've changed? • Will we still have things to talk about? • How will he/she think I have managed? • He/she must remember we have been through things too. Again, it is natural to have these thoughts and feelings. It is important to acknowledge and accept them. If you can, it might help to share these feeling with those at home and, in doing so, the nervousness and anxiety associated with them no longer has the same power over you. If you have children at home, your return might have an impact on them too. They have (normally quite quickly!) gotten used to the fact that you are away. The routines/rules that applied before you left may have changed. Many children will have matured and become more independent. Younger children's thoughts might include: • Will mum/dad notice I've changed? • When will mum/dad go away again? • Will the rules change? • Will mum/dad know what I did while they were away? Children are very resilient, but it may help with your transition home and return to being physically present in their lives, if you can sit down with them and discuss these things, as much to dispel your own fears and anxieties as theirs. Before you travel home, it is a good idea to make and discuss the plan for your return. It is an important time for all concerned and this will help to avoid an upset that might occur. If you (or people at home) want to celebrate your reunion, consider: • The official plans – dates/times/arrival time home • The possibility of delays – official plans can change, for various reasons! • Plan to spend time together HEAD SPACE & TIMING Caring for your Mental Health (and that of your family) when returning home from an overseas deployment HEAD SPACE & TIMING By Comdt Des Connolly

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